


like I'm finding something

by punk_rock_yuppie



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Come Eating, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gentle Dom!Adam, Gentle Dom/Sub Dynamics, Implied Blowjobs, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Rimming, Soft Sub!Steven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 16:12:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15392517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punk_rock_yuppie/pseuds/punk_rock_yuppie
Summary: Steven's finally decided he's just ready to lose his virginity. It doesn't necessarily have to be special, or some big production. He's just ready to get a move on with his life.Enter Adam, who's more than a little determined to show Steven the best time of his life. Y'know, like friends do.





	like I'm finding something

**Author's Note:**

> well. uh. this turned out way longer than i ever intended. hannah and i were talking about standrew versus stadam in regards to steven losing his virgnity, and i called dibs on writing stadam for it, and what was meant to be something quick and dirty and sweet ended up very not-quick, very dirty, and just disgustingly sweet. 
> 
> big thanks to hannah for beta'ing, as always! this fic takes place in some sort of indeterminate timeline where steven's not in new york and they're all still filming. just roll with it. 
> 
> enjoy!

Adam suggests it as he does most things: gently.

Steven looks up in surprise, blush already in place on the apples of his cheeks. “What?” He looks around haphazardly, but no one is paying them any mind.

They’re in a bar with a gaggle of other Buzzfeed employees, and the everyone else is off drinking or playing pool or throwing darts. Adam and Steven are alone, bellied up to the bar, both nursing watered down old fashioneds.

“I could help, if you wanted,” Adam says quietly again. Steven has to lean in to hear him over the din of the bar, and Adam’s beard nearly scrapes against Steven’s cheek.

“You’d—you’d want to do that?” Steven asks. He’s suddenly out of breath and his heart is pounding. He clutches his glass hard enough for his knuckles to hurt; he doesn’t let go until Adam prods at his hand lightly, forcing him to unclench his grip.

Adam nods, then says, “I want to.” His gaze rakes down Steven’s body as if to bolster his response, as if to convince Steven that _yes_ , one of his best friends _is_ offering to help him lose his virginity.

Steven inches his barstool closer to Adam’s. “Just do be clear, you don’t mean, like, help me find a date or something, right?”

Adam quirks a small grin, then raises a hand slowly. Steven watches the hand get closer until it moves past the edges of his vision and secures around the back of his neck. Adam draws him closer with the strong hold, until their lips meet.

It’s soft and delicate, even with the scratch of Adam’s beard. Steven’s eyes flutter shut, and he tilts his head slightly, the way he knows works best so noses won’t smash together, and Adam answers him in kind with a similar head tilt. Their mouths slot together seamlessly, and Adam opens his mouth to slide his tongue along the seam of Steven’s lips.

He’s made out before, this isn’t anything _new_ —except, he’s never made out with Adam, so it’s _kind of_ new. Steven shrugs off the surprise and opens his mouth obediently. He’s rewarded with a deep, rumbling groan echoing in Adam’s throat, spoken right into Steven’s waiting mouth.

They kiss, tongues sliding together and breathing heavily into one another, until someone comes crashing against the bar on Adam’s other side. Steven pulls back first, startled, and looks past Adam to see Ryan trying to flag down the bartender. He’s not having much luck, but he’s also not paying them any attention.

“We don’t have to,” Adam says, and draws Steven’s attention back to him.

“No, no, I want to,” Steven hurries to say. His lips are tingling and he’s hard in his jeans. “Not tonight,” he adds after a moment.

Adam nods, sporting a small grin again.

“But, but soon. I… I’d really like that.” Steven fidgets in his seat and realizes how close he’s still leaning to Adam. He doesn’t want to pull away.

“We need to lay down some ground rules,” Adam tells him.

Steven blinks. “Ground rules.”

“Yes.” Adam reaches out and pushes a stray, limp strand of silver-lilac hair from Steven’s forehead. “I need to know how far you want to go, and what you want to do. I need to know what you want to get out of this.” His words are casual and steady, calm and easy, but they make Steven’s heart pound. They’re really doing this—or at least, they’re really discussing doing this.

It’s enough to set him on edge, in a really good way.

“Uh, yeah, okay. Should I, like, make a list?”

Adam lets out a quiet laugh and downs the rest of his drink before answering. “A list wouldn’t hurt. But we’ll need to talk about it in person.” He eyes Steven knowingly, and Steven feels a second wave of red take over his face.

Talking about sex has never been his favorite thing, even before he decided he wanted to actually try and lose his virginity. Just the thought of sitting down with Adam, taking out a list and rattling off all the things Steven wants to do…

Well, it’s embarrassing, but it’s also kind of hot.

“Okay,” Steven says with a nod. “I can do that.”

“Let me know when you’ve got your list finished, and we can talk. Then, after we talk, we can figure out where we want to go from there.”

Steven bites his lip. “Seems like a lot of work for sex,” he admits.

Adam only grins at him. He reaches out again, but this time he cups Steven’s cheek. “It’s important,” he assures. “I want to make it good for you, Steven.”

Steven’s heart and cock throb in tandem, and it’s a little ridiculous and a lot awesome. “Oh.”

Adam draws him in for a second, softer kiss. “Take your time, okay? There’s no rush. This offer doesn’t expire.” He pulls back just far enough for them to stare at one another. Steven loses himself in Adam’s eyes for a second. Adam’s thumb taps his cheek to bring him back to the present.

Steven nods. “Got it, no expiration.”  

 

 

In the end, it takes Steven a week to compile his list. He writes and rewrites it, types it up and then deletes it because what if someone _sees_ , then writes it by hand again and sticks it in a laminated cover for safekeeping. It’s silly, he knows, but running his fingertips over the glossy cover makes him feel calmer, like its protected. Like it’s _real_.

He texts Adam the minute his heart stops racing long enough to breath.

 **to [adam]**  
_list is finished_

**from [adam]  
** _great. want to come by for dinner on friday? i’ll cook._

**to [adam]** _  
i’ll be there! :-)_

Steven stares at the answering string of emojis: a wine glass, a heart, and a croissant. He laughs and rubs a hand over his burning cheeks.

Friday can’t get here soon enough.

 

 

Dinner is ready by the time Steven shows up with a bottle of wine and his list in hand. Adam welcomes him in with a kind smile and a kiss on the cheek.

“We can eat first,” Adam says as he plucks the list from Steven’s hands and sets it on the coffee table in the living room. “Then go over that, okay?”

“Okay,” Steven agrees. He swallows a content sigh when Adam takes his free hand and guides him to the kitchen and the tiny dining table that sits in the same space. “Did you have a good day?” Steven asks as their hands disconnect. He moves immediately to where he knows the wine glasses are stored while Adam moves the food to the table.

“It was alright, nothing special. What about you?”

Steven shrugs as he pours them each a healthy glass. “I was sort of distracted all day.”

Adam smirks at him. “Oh?”

Steven sticks his tongue out at the other man. “It’s your fault.”

“I know,” Adam replies in a voice an octave lower before. “Nothing exciting happened today though?” He carries on as if he didn’t just get Steven rock hard with a mere two words.

Steven shakes his head as he sits down across from Adam. “Just another day at the office.” They hadn’t actually seen each other much that day; Adam had been in the kitchens with Andrew for most of it whereas Steven had busied himself with researching locations for upcoming Worth It episodes.

They make idle chatter over the lasagna Adam made for dinner, until both their plates have been cleared of second helpings and they’ve emptied the bottle of wine Steven brought.

“Should we open another bottle?” Steven asks, his gaze sliding over to the modest collection of wines and liquors Adam keeps on a little cart in his kitchen-slash-dining room.

Adam shakes his head. “I want us both to be level-headed for this.”

Steven pinks. “Okay. Makes sense.”

Adam stares at him for a long moment, then stands slowly. He holds out a hand to Steven. “You ready?”

Steven takes his hand without hesitation. “Yeah.”

Adam pulls him to stand and links their fingers as they wander back to the living room, the couch, and Steven’s list waiting for them on the coffee table. Steven sits first and Adam sits beside him. Their knees and thighs bump as they settle, and for a moment neither of them says anything.

“Do you want to go down the list, or do you want me to read it first?” Adam asks.

Steven eyes the list, pristine where it sits. “Uh, could we just go down it together?”

Adam reaches out and picks up the list off the table, then shuffles closer to Steven. “Of course,” he says as he angles the list so they both can read it. “We’ll just start from the top.”

> _Handjobs_
> 
> _Blowjobs_
> 
> _Fingering_

Adam nods to himself. “I’m okay with all of that. Did you want me to finger you? Or the other way around?”

Steven’s face is already burning. “Uhm. Either?” The thought of touching Adam like that—it isn’t as though he’s opposed. “When I wrote that, though, I kind of…”

In that same lower tone as before, the one that seems to sneak up on the conversation like a predator to prey, Adam cuts in. “You want me to finger you.” Not a question, just a statement.

Steven nods.

“Okay. We can do that.” Adam turns back to the list, but Steven doesn’t miss the way his ears are slightly pink.

> _Rimming (?)_
> 
> _Penetrative sex_
> 
> _Positions??_

Adam lets out a soft laugh; not mocking, just gentle. “I’m okay with all of these,” he says again. “Did you want me to fuck you?”

Steven nods so quickly he makes himself dizzy. Adam grins at him and finally steals a kiss.

“You haven’t ever done any of the things on this list?” Adam asks against his lips.

“No. Made out before and did stuff over the clothes, but that’s it.”

“Okay.” Adam examines the list a little closer, runs his fingers over some of the sub-bullets. “Positions…” He murmurs under his breath; his gaze flicks to Steven for a moment before going back to the paper.

“Like,” Steven starts then stops. “Missionary, or. Uh. Doggy-style.”

Adam’s watching him now, fond but blushing. “We can do whatever you want, Steven.” He sounds a little breathless, and it makes Steven feel better about his racing heart and too-tight lungs. “Any way you want.”

Steven nods and leans in. “I really want to kiss you.”

“I want that too,” Adam says, but he doesn’t move closer. “There’s just one other thing I wanna discuss.”

Steven blinks. “Okay…”

“We need to establish whether or not this is going to be a one-time thing,” he pauses and looks at the list. “Or a couple-time thing.” He smirks at Steven. “Or, do we want it to be long-term. Where we can come to each other whenever we want, no strings attached. An open relationship, basically.”

Steven’s head is swimming and he blinks again, rapidly. “Uh.”

Adam reaches out and lays a settling hand on Steven’s arm. “You don’t have to decide right now, but I don’t want to have sex until we know. It’ll be better that way.”

“That… makes sense.” Steven inhales slowly through his mouth and exhales even slower. “What about… what if we wanted to date?” He asks it sheepishly, afraid of Adam’s reaction even though he knows the other man would never make fun of him or be unabashedly mean.

“That’d be okay, too.” His hand on Steven’s arm shifts to cup his cheek again like it did at the bar. “Do you want to date?”

Steven’s breathing hitches. “I don’t—I don’t know.” He lets the thought drift through his mind, and he can’t say he’s totally unopposed. He’s just never really considered it before. “Maybe?”

Adam finally, _finally_ leans in and kisses Steven. Against his lips, he murmurs, “We can decide that later. Might be easier to decide once we’ve… Fooled around a bit.” Then he kisses Steven again, harder, and slips his tongue into Steve’s mouth the moment Steven relaxes.

“Yeah, okay,” Steven breathe. He winds his arms around Adam’s shoulders and tug him closer. “Where do we start?”

Adam hums as he starts to trail kisses along Steven’s jaw. “Where do _you_ wanna start?” He asks, gentle and soft.

Steven’s mind short-circuits at the power given to him with just a couple words. Adam kisses him when he hesitates, and Steven loses himself in it for a while. Eventually, when his lips are stinging and his mind is swimming and he’s pressed into the couch with Adam between his thighs, Steven finds it in himself to whisper, “this, just this,” and kiss Adam again.

They kiss for what feels like hours, until Adam finally pulls back. “Did you want to do something tonight?” The implication is clear: _what are we going to be?_ Steven runs through his list of options in his head before answering.

Steven nods slowly, head fuzzy from lust. “I want—I don’t want an open relationship. But I don’t wanna date?” He lets his eyes slip shut as he thinks through his words. _Yet_ , don’t want to date _yet_ lingers in the back of his mind.

He continues, “Just, for now, just us? And if, if one of us found someone else, then could we, like, renegotiate?”

Fingertips take him by the chin and he sees it as a sign to open his eyes. Adam is staring down at him. “That’s fine,” he says. “I like that idea.” He swoops in and steals a kiss. “Just us,” he parrots back, “I won’t see anyone else.”

Steven moans softly as Adam starts to work on his neck. He’s hard in his jeans and can feel where Adam is hard against his hip. “I want to come,” Steven whispers against Adam’s ear. “I want you to come, too.”

Adam lets out a strangled groan and his hips jerk forward, stuttering against Steven’s. “Yeah, okay.”

They rut like that, together on Adam’s couch, until it gets to be too much. Steven’s hands dig into Adam’s shoulders as he uses the leverage to grind against him. It doesn’t take him long to get dizzy from the pleasure, for the feelings to overwhelm him and for heat to coil at the base of his spine.

Adam’s still kissing him—his lips, his cheeks, his jawline—when Steven manages to stammer out, “c-coming,” before going still.

Adam holds him through it, even as Steven writhes. When Steven gets his eyes open again, unsure of when he closed them, Adam is staring at him again.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Adam murmurs before kissing Steven’s swollen lips. Adam works a hand between them and gets his own jeans open, shoves a hand inside his boxers and starts to stroke.

Steven breaks the kiss to stare. He can’t see anything, not even the tip, but there’s something almost lewder about watching Adam’s hand work furiously quick trapped inside the denim. Adam pants and gasps against Steven’s cheek, he even leans over and nips at his earlobe, grinning.

“Fuck, Steven,” he hisses when he starts to come. He presses his face against Steven’s neck and mouths at the skin there, his hot breath leaving wet patches where his lips touch. His hips jerk and stutter as he comes, and when he’s done he pulls his hand from his jeans and makes a disgruntled face.

Steven acts on impulse. He reaches out and curls his fingers around Adam’s wrist, then brings his hand to his mouth. He stops with only a few scant inches between his lips and Adam’s come-slick hand.

“I mean, obviously, I’m clean,” Steven says. “I really want to try this.”

Adam nods. “I got tested after the bar last week.” He admits it freely, but with something like shyness in his eyes.

Steven beams and curls his lips around one of Adam’s fingers. The first thing he notes is salt, from Adam’s skin and his sweat, then the bitter tang of what must be come. Steven’s never tried his own, even though he knows that’s, like, a thing people do. He much prefers this, even despite the less-than-pleasant taste.

He licks one of Adam’s fingers clean and pulls back smacking his lips. When he moves to clean off another, Adam carefully tugs his hand away.

“Adam?”

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to get hard again.” Adam’s eyes are dilated wide. His words are as quiet as ever but hit Steven like a punch to the gut. They sound like a threat, or a promise.

Steven nods and lets go of Adam’s wrist. The other man stands and flashes him a grin before walking away. Steven listens to the sounds of a sink running, and looks down at his lap.

There’s a faint wet spot on the light fabric of his jeans, and he blushes anew. He falls backward onto the couch and scrubs his hands over his face. He’s not entirely sure how he expects to lose his virginity when even thinking about his _own_ orgasm makes him blush. He’s still lamenting over his inexperience when something cold and wet slaps onto his stomach, getting his t-shirt wet.

He yelps and Adam laughs. “Get yourself cleaned up,” Adam says. “You can stay the night, if you want.”

Steven reaches for the washcloth and sits up. “Uh.”

Adam nods to the bathroom. “Take all the time you need. I’m going to clean up the stuff from dinner.” With that, he leaves again. It feels a little abrupt, but it’s also just how Adam is. Quick to the point and no nonsense. It’s something Steven admires in him, something Steven really enjoys about him.

Steven busies himself with slipping into the bathroom and tugging his jeans down far enough to expose his soft cock and the come matted on his pubic hair and skin. He wipes himself clean with the washcloth, and dries himself with the edge that’s not completely soaked before dropping it in the laundry basket near the sink.

He does up his jeans again and tugs down his shirt—now with a very unflattering wet spot right over his stomach—and looks at himself.

His face is flush, of course. He raises a hand to his cheek and can feel the heat even from a distance. His jaw and neck are covered in soft red patches. _Beard burn_ , he thinks with a small, delighted smile. There’s a hickey or two, but they’re faint; Steven doesn’t even remember Adam biting him, but the thought sends a thrill through his veins.

“Steven?” Adam asks after knocking lightly on the bathroom door. “You okay?”

Steven hurries over and opens the door. “I’m fine.”

Adam nods. “You staying the night?”

“I didn’t bring any clothes.” Steven feels silly now. He knew something would probably happen tonight; he should’ve had the foresight.

“No big deal. You can borrow something of mine, if you want.”  

It’s unlikely anything Adam has will fit Steven, but the thought almost makes it better. “Sure, if that’s okay with you.”

Adam nods again and reaches out to take Steven’s hand “C’mon, I’ll find you something.”

Later, when all the dishes are done and the list is tucked safely away in Adam’s bedside table and Steven is wearing pajama pants three inches too short, they crawl into Adam’s bed together. For a split second, Steven worries it might be awkward, or weird, or just plain uncomfortable.

He’s wrong. It’s easy to slide into bed with Adam, to let the other man crowd against his back and wrap around him like an octopus. It’s easy to sink into the embrace and not feel panicked about what’s to come, about what this all means, about where they’re going. They agreed, just the two of them for now, figuring things out together. At Steven’s pace.

He twists in Adam’s arms long enough to give him a kiss and murmur a quick “goodnight” before settling again.

 

 

It’s surprisingly simple to go from being just friends with Adam to being friends who have _sex_. It doesn’t really bleed into the office or into filming, not in any way that seems abnormal. Steven is maybe more aware of Adam, and how Adam might invade his personal space, but it’s not anything _new_ , really. It’s just that Steven is seeing it from a slightly different perspective.

It’s great, really. He likes it. He likes recognizing Adam’s cologne when the other man leans over a table to take a bite offered; he likes Adam getting obnoxiously close first to Steven, then to the camera as they film a goofy transition. He likes Adam leaning against him in the backseat of a car while a new Buzzfeed intern drives them around.

He especially likes that sometimes, they go home together. Never in the same car—not only would that be too obvious, but that would require driving in together, which just doesn’t happen. They only spend the night at each other’s places on weekends; it’s just easier that way.

But sometimes, when the workday is done, or filming has wrapped, they agree to meet up at one apartment or the other.

And the nights have yet to disappoint.

They haven’t worked up to penetration yet, because for all that he wants to, Steven can’t quite shake the nerves that overtake him. He’s loved everything they’ve done so far, has lost himself in every moment. Every hand on hot flesh, each time Adam’s taken him in to the root and _sucked_. Even the moments when he has to stop, when they have to take a break so he can get his breathing or nerves under control.

Adam’s been beside him every step of the way, ready and waiting to do whatever it is Steven needs.

It’s been great. Steven just knows it’ll get better as soon as he gets over his hang-ups and Adam can actually _fuck him_.

God, even the thought makes him blush. Even just the _words_.

“You look like you’re thinking awful hard,” Andrew remarks as he falls into the seat beside Steven. “Careful.”

Steven rolls his eyes and shoves at Andrew playfully. “Whatever.” He looks back at his phone and scrolls through Instagram. His mind is still churning with ideas, half-formed images, fantasies, but he can barely find it in himself to parse through them all. They’re at once overwhelming and mouth-watering, and he _knows_ the office is no place to be entertaining such thoughts.

He just can’t help himself.

“Wow, you really are out of it.”

Steven blinks to see Andrew’s palm waving in front of his face. “Huh?”

“I asked what you were thinking about, and when you didn’t answer I offered you some macarons.”

“From Bottega Louie?!”

“I don’t actually have any macarons, Steven.” Andrew laughs when Steven pouts, but continues. “Seriously, what’s up? I don’t think I’ve seen you this deep in thought… ever.”

Steven shrugs. “Just. Stuff.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow.

“ _Private_ stuff,” Steven hisses with a cautious look around.

Andrew ‘ah’s quietly. “Gotcha. You know we’re friends, right? You can talk to me about that sorta shit.”

Steven’s chest warms slightly—to think of how far they’ve come, how Andrew barely seemed to tolerate him at the start. He shakes his head all the same. “Nah, it’s not a big deal. Just… stuff,” he supplies lamely. “Like, choices to make. But not big choices. Sorta.”

Andrew shakes his head with a laugh. “Alright, if you’re sure.” He claps his hand on Steven’s shoulder and stands. “I’m an open ear if you need it.”

Steven smiles up at him. “Thanks, man.”

Andrew shoves at him lightly, playfully, before walking away. Steven grins down at his phone and thumbs through Instagram with renewed vigor. He’s so lost in liking posts and commenting he doesn’t realize when a shadow looms over him. It’s not until a beard is scratching against his cheek that he realizes Adam is behind him.

“Hey!” He says a little too loudly as he swivels in his chair. Adam takes a step back and gives a little wave. “What’s up?”

“I was thinking we should hang out this Saturday.”

Steven nods eagerly. “Sure, I’ve got no plans. Something specific in mind?”

Adam’s eyes glint slightly. “You trust me?”

It’s that damn octave again. The one that immediately stokes a fire low in Steven’s belly. “Uh, yeah, of course,” he replies hoarsely.

“Great. Be at my place by five.”

“In the evening?” Steven asks, just to be sure and maybe to be a little funny, to ease some of the tension bubbling inside him.

Adam nods, and Steven makes a show of sighing with relief. Adam rolls his eyes affectionately in response, and shoves at Steven’s head. Unlike the playful shove Andrew had given, though, this devolves quickly into a caress. Adam’s fingers comb through Steven’s hair and tug ever so slightly before pulling away.

“Wanna grab lunch?” Adam asks once his hand hangs at his side again. Like nothing ever happened.

Steven swallows his urge to pant and nods.

 

 

He shows up at Adam’s at four-thirty the following Saturday, mainly because he left early expecting worse traffic and found nothing but clear roads the entire drive over. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, since Adam is ready and waiting for him, and lets him into the apartment before gathering him in a hug.

It’s something they’ve grown accustomed to, hugging or sharing sweet kisses when they first see each other in the privacy of their homes. Steven finds himself craving that physicality, the intimacy of it, nearly all the time. He buries his face in Adam’s hair ( _it’s getting long_ , he thinks) and sighs contentedly.

“Hello to you too,” Adam teases as he peppers kisses over Steven’s throat. “You’re early.”

“Thought traffic would be worse.”

Adam hums. “Do you want to start now, or do you want to eat first?”

Steven stiffens at first, but not because of fear. The strike of lust that runs through him, like lightning to a steel rod, paralyzes him. “What did you have in mind?”

“Told you you’d have to trust me, right?”

Steven nods. He still hasn’t pulled back from Adam, or from Adam’s hair.

“Can you follow my lead?”

Steven nods again. The thought sends tendrils of nerves trickling through him, but more than anything he just feels hot, and honest, and desperate. He does trust Adam, he can follow Adam’s lead, and if he’s being truthful, he _really_ wants to know what the other man has in store for tonight.

“Great.” Adam pulls back and kisses Steven once. “Can you go shower for me?”

“I showered this morning,” Steven replies immediately.

Adam’s smile is mesmerizing. “Were you thorough?”

Steven pinks. Sometimes, the things Adam says would sound so clinical in any other context. It never feels that way when they’re together, though. When it’s just the two of them, every word out of Adam’s mouth feels like a match striking a flame inside Steven.

“There’s a kit in the bathroom,” Adam explains. He reaches out and runs a hand from Steven’s shoulder down to his wrist; there, he slips their hands together and tugs. “It won’t take long. It’ll give me a little more time to get ready.” Steven lets himself be lead to the bathroom even though he knows the way.

There’s a plain, unassuming box sitting on the tiny bathroom counter, and Steven swallows.

“You don’t have to,” Adam says, “there’s just something I want to try tonight.”

Steven has a pretty good idea of what that something is—it was on his list, after all—so he nods. He even manages to flash a grin at Adam. “No problem,” he replies easily.

Adam leans up and kisses his cheek sweetly. “If you need help, just holler.”

Steven nods. They linger for a moment longer before Adam untangles their fingers and uses his now-free hand to give Steven a light swat on the ass, propelling him into the bathroom. Steven shuts the door quickly, and strips down in record time. He starts the water of the shower first, gets it to a temperature he likes, then braves looking at the box.

 _I can do this_ , he thinks. Surprisingly, it’s easy to believe.

 

There’s an overly fluffy robe hanging on the bathroom door; Steven’s never seen it before, and the light, rosy pink color leads him to think it might be a gift. For him. The thought warms him to the tip of his toes and he shrugs on the robe with a contented sigh. He looks at himself in the mirror, as he’s taken to doing when he tries something new.

An enema definitely counts as something new. The box sits on the back of the toilet now, instructions tucked back inside. It hadn’t been bad, or difficult—just _weird_.

A knock on the door startles him from his thoughts.

“Steven?”

“I’m ready,” he says.

Adam opens the door and leans on the threshold. “You found the robe,” he says with a smirk.

“It’s for me, isn’t it?” Steven tugs it tighter around his body and presses his face against the fluffy collar.

Adam nods and walks into the bathroom with a laugh. His hands find Steven’s hips, and the turn of his lips is sweet. “Yeah, it’s for you.”

“It’s awesome.” Steven nods seriously. “Like, so perfect.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Adam says before leaning up on his toes and kissing Steven. “Want to get started?”

Steven nods again, more eagerly than before. “Yeah,” he breathes. Adam steps back and lets his hands fall from Steven’s waist, then gestures for him to follow. Steven does, quick at Adam’s heels.

Predictably, they head to the bedroom. Adam turns when they hit the edge of the bed and immediately his hands come up to start divesting Steven of the robe.

Steven lets him; he goes pliant under Adam’s touch even as he mourns the soft material dragging against his skin. Adam kisses each inch of exposed skin: he starts with Steven’s neck, then his shoulders, down to his collarbones. He doesn’t bend quite far enough to reach Steven’s nipples, but his hot breath ghosts over the skin in a teasing way all the same.

Steven whines softly as Adam steps back again. “Steven, will you get on the bed for me?”

Steven clambers onto the bed instead of answering.

“On your back,” Adam asks as he stands at the edge and watches.

Steven settles with his head on the plush pillows and lets his legs fall open naturally. He shivers under Adam’s stare. At first, it was harder to let the other man just take his fill. Steven’s never been one to think of himself as overly pretty or beautiful, and having people stare at him has always felt sort of odd—Worth It clips notwithstanding. It’s taken some getting used to, but now Steven sort of loves it.

He loves the way Adam’s eyes dilate and how his breathing picks up pace just a notch. He likes watching Adam’s eyes wander over him, head to toe, lingering in some spots that Steven knows he wants to taste.

Adam’s eyes hit Steven’s hardening cock, and he reaches out to pull Steven’s legs a little further apart. Steven obeys with a sigh, and shivers against when Adam takes his time looking Steven over down there too; his eyes draw a line down the length of Steven’s prick, to his sac, down to the crease of his ass.

“Thank you,” Adam murmurs, “for doing that for me.”

Steven lets out a slightly breathless laugh. “I feel like I should thank you.”

Adam’s gaze snaps to his face in an instead. He leans one knee on the bed and uses the leverage to loom over Steven, their lips just inches apart. “You don’t have to thank me,” he assures. “I enjoy this.” His voice is quiet, softer, and Steven thinks back to what Andrew always says: the quieter he is, the more he means it, the more he likes it.

Steven nods. “Yeah, okay.”

Adam kisses him them. It’s not soft like other ones, not as gentle. It’s solid and rough, and his beard scratches at Steven’s skin. Adam kisses him hard and knots a hand in his still-wet hair. He uses his grip to angle Steven how he likes, and Steven’s not ashamed to admit he melts under the strong hand.

Adam pulls back from the kiss licking his lips. He doesn’t say anything as he moves back and starts to peel off his clothes. He leaves them in a pile on the floor, and when he’s naked, he moves around to the foot of the bed.

“You trust me, right?” He asks again.

“Of course,” Steven says. He spreads his legs wider: an invitation, one that Adam takes.

He climbs into the bed with more grace than Steven had managed, but that’s par for course. Adam moves fluidly, surprising agile even with Steven’s knobby knees knocking against his sides. Adam settles in the cradle of Steven’s hips and their bodies glide together, hot and smooth, and they end up nose-to-nose.

“I’m going to rim you, is that okay?”

Steven nods. “Definitely okay.” It isn’t as though he expects Adam to just start immediately, but he accepts another kiss with a softly surprised sound. His arms curl around Adam’s shoulders and tug him closer; he hitches up his legs to wrap around Adam’s hips. Their cocks rub together between their bodies: Steven’s already at full mast, and he’s only a little embarrassed by how quickly everything they do turns him on.

Adam smiles into the kiss and starts his usual path of kissing along Steven’s jaw and down his neck. He spends time lavishing attention to Steven’s throat, nipping and sucking and leaving an array of marks all light enough to fade by Monday morning.

“You can do it harder,” Steven gasps as Adam’s teeth skirt over his neck.

Adam hums. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Please?”

Adam lets out a faint groan but opens his mouth wider, secures his mouth around a spot in the middle of Steven’s neck, and _bites_. His teeth dig in and sucks, hard. The sensation is different than the other teasing nips before, and Steven writhes under the feeling. He tilts his head back to display more of his neck for Adam and is rewarded with another sharp love bite laid directly over his adams apple.

Steven breathes heavily as Adam pulls back. He wants to whine with loss; he wants Adam to make a fucking _disaster_ of his neck, but he can’t quite get the words out.

“I could do that all day,” Adam says instead. He reaches up and presses a thumb to a burgeoning bruise. “But I’ve got other plans.” His grin is all teeth, smug but sweet at the same time. Steven just nods and settles in to watch as Adam starts the trek down his body.

Adam doesn’t get far. He stops at Steven’s chest and casts a quick glance up, waits for an assenting nod, before starting on Steven’s nipples.

Steven’s learned quickly that he _really_ enjoys this. He arches his back and presses his chest against Adam’s mouth. It hadn’t been on his list, hadn’t ever been something he considered until Adam had gotten him shirtless one night and went to town.

Adam smirks against his sternum before drifting over to one nipple and wrapping his lips around one already pert nipple. His smirk never seems to fade as Steven cries out and tangles one hand in Adam’s hair. Adam sucks and nips until Steven’s chest is a blotchy red on just one side. Then he leans over to the other side and gives it the same treatment.

He laves his tongue, flat and broad, over Steven’s nipple before sucking lightly on the taut skin. He nips, just barely enough to sting, and Steven shudders underneath him. Adam soothes the ache with the tip of his tongue before pulling back.

Steven’s chest heaves as he gasps for air. He looks down at his abused chest and lets out whine. Beard burn has scraped his skin tender, and his nipples are cherry red and throbbing. He lifts a shaking hand and skirts a fingertip over his chest and hisses in pain and pleasure.

Adam inhales sharply. “You look good like that.”

Steven preens, blushing even despite his debauchery. “Yeah?”

Adam nods. His hands wander down Steven’s body and stop to grab his hips. “You doing good?”

“I’m great,” Steven says. “You?”

Adam only smiles at him; he reaches down and spreads Steven’s legs wider. “Do you want to be on your back? Or your stomach?”

Steven shrugs. “Which is better?”

“On your stomach would be better for my neck,” Adam says dryly.

Steven turns over to his elbows and knees, steadied by Adam’s grip on his hips.

Adam hums as he takes in Steven’s ass, and Steven’s grateful he can hide his burning face in the pillows. This is new, the intimacy of the touch and Steven’s ass on display for Adam. He hums again, and it sounds thoughtful and strained at the same time. His hands shift and drag to cup Steven’s ass.

Adam spreads him open without preamble, but doesn’t do anything else.

Steven turns his head far enough away from the pillow to speak. “Are you just looking?” He can’t help the incredulous tone in his voice. He’d never imagined himself as one to stare at someone’s ass, let alone their ass _hole_.

“You did a good job,” Adam says instead. He takes one hand off Steven’s ass and brings a thumb to his hole. He presses at the furl of muscle, pulls back, presses again. It’s not enough to push _in_ but it is enough to set Steven’s blood on fire.

“Adam, _please_.”

Adam places one hand at the center of Steven’s back and presses him closer to the bed. “Ass in the air,” he says easily, and Steven is all too happy to comply. He hides his face again and keens as Adam’s breathing finally fans over the skin of his bottom.

“Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”

“Kay,” Steven manages to agree around the mouthful of pillow he’s got. He knows he’s tense: his whole body is shaking with the force it takes to keep still.

Adam doesn’t comment on it. He scoots back slightly on the bed, keeps Steven spread with thumbs against his crease, and finally gets his tongue against Steven’s hole.

Steven startles away from the touch and buries his surprised moan in the pillow. Adam tugs him back with careful hands still on his spread cheeks.

“It’s okay,” Adam murmurs, the vibrations running like shockwaves up Steven’s spine. “I’ve got you. Just let yourself go.”

Steven nods dizzily into the pillow. He can’t find it in himself to respond but he leans back into Adam’s touch and sways his ass from side to side. Judging by Adam’s laugh, it’s as good an answer as any.

Adam returns to him just as slowly as before, but Steven doesn’t flinch quite as bad this time when Adam’s tongue brushes over his hole. He holds himself still but relaxed, lets his shoulders droop and lets himself drop his weight against the bed as much as he can while still keeping his ass in the air. Adam squeezes his cheeks and licks harder.

He doesn’t try to get inside, yet. He lavishes broad strokes of his tongue over Steven’s hole, over and over, until all he feels is hot and wet and on edge.

“Adam,” he whines. “C’mon.”

Adam shakes his head and the action drags his beard across the sensitive skin of Steven’s ass. “I’m going to take my time with you.” He goes back to licking and keeps going until Steven is shaking from sensation-overload underneath him.

It feels good, but Steven wants _more_. It’s like nothing he’s ever experienced before, but it’s not enough. He opens his mouth to complain again, but in the time it takes him to catch his breath, Adam finally presses the tip of his tongue against the ring of muscle.

It’s a tight fit, even now that Steven’s relaxed. He squawks and squirms indignantly as the feeling of Adam’s tongue—wet and soft, foreign but _good_ —works inside him. Adam’s thumb rubs in soothing circles across Steven’s sensitive skin, and his beard is rubbing Steven’s ass raw, and it only heightens the feeling of being gently speared open.

“Oh, g-god,” Steven keens. Slowly, almost unintentionally he works his hips back against Adam’s face.

Adam moans and this time the vibrations go deeper, striking Steven right to his core. He buries his head in his arms and tightens for a split second around Adam’s tongue. Steven can’t even moan anything back—not about how good it feels, how grateful Steven is, how badly he wants to come. It’s all too overwhelming.

Adam draws his tongue back and thrusts forward, does it again and again until Steven almost thinks he could come from the feeling. He repeats the motion over and over, and Steven thinks he might go crazy just from this. It feels good, so good, but the longer it goes on the more Steven needs. The tendrils of pleasure licking up his spine need more than just Adam’s tongue inside him.

Adam presses a sucking, wet kiss to the rim of Steven’s hole and pushes his tongue deep enough to wring a shrill cry from Steven unexpectedly. Then he pulls back suddenly, breathing hard.

“Can you reach the lube?”

Steven looks at the bedside table and nods. His head is swimming but he manages to bring himself to his hands and knees and lean far enough to dig around in the drawer. He twists awkwardly to pass it back to Adam, who takes it only for a moment.

“I’m going to finger you, okay?” Adam asks, his voice rough.

Steven lets out a stuttering moan, one that might almost sound like _finally_ but mainly ends up being wordless gibberish.

“I want you to touch yourself.” Adam says once he’s got three fingers slicked up. He passes the lube back to Steven. “Okay?” He asks again.

Steven nods and practically falls forward in his haste. It’s an awkward angle, balanced on his elbows to get a dollop of lube in his palm. He manages, though, and caps the lube again before tossing it aside. He wastes no time getting his hand around his dick and starting to stroke. He starts with a tight grip at the base to stave off the urgency of his orgasm, then strokes slowly, dancing the knife’s edge between too little and just enough to make him come.

“You can come whenever you want,” Adam murmurs as he presses a single fingertip to Steven’s hole. “You don’t have to ask.”

Steven exhales shakily before replying. “Okay,” is all he manages to get out before Adam’s finger slides into him.

He tenses again before he can stop himself, but Adam’s clean hand runs across his back soothingly. Distantly, he’s aware of Adam muttering placating things, gentle things, all to help Steven relax. He can’t make out specifics over the blood rushing in his ears, but the tone of Adam’s voice helps nonetheless.

Second by second, Steven relaxes enough for Adam’s finger to slide in deeper. It’s a solid weight, thick but not overwhelmingly so. Just different and new and Steven, in the back of his mind, can’t believe they’re finally doing this. That _he’s_ finally doing this. He strokes himself faster for a split second as the lust overtakes him, before he manages to get himself in check and slow his pace again.

“You can go quicker,” Adam says.

Steven shakes his head vehemently. “No, no, not yet.” He pushes his burning face against one arm. “Too close.” He wants to turn and look at Adam, and the urge is so visceral he forces himself up with a shaking arm. “I wanna see you.”

Adam’s finger stops in its slow press. “Yeah?”

“Please,” Steven says as his voice cracks. “Wanna see you,” he says again.

Adam’s finger draws out quickly, enough for it to nearly cross the edge into burning, and then his clean hand is tugging at Steven’s hip.

He topples to his side easily enough, and wiggles until he’s on his back. He sighs contentedly as his gaze lands on Adam; it feels like a breath of cool water after too long in the desert.

Adam smiles back and him and pushes his legs open. “Yeah?” He asks.

Steven nods vigorously and starts to stroke his cock again. “Yeah,” he agrees. He watches Adam bring his hand between Steven’s legs, and watches the concentration on Adam’s face as he slides his pointer finger in again.

It goes in smoother this time, still tight but more of a glide and less of a fight. Steven shivers at the sensation and can’t take his eyes off Adam for even a moment. It’s harder now to keep his pace on his cock; he’s too distracted by Adam, by the intensity of his focus and the beauty of his caring.

Steven swallows against his suddenly pounding heart. “You look good,” he manages to croak.

Adam’s eyes snap to his face. “You think so?”

“I do.” The words all get caught in Steven’s throat: thank yous, even though Adam told him not to, and all manner of things about how good Steven feels, physically but emotionally too, all because of Adam. “I think I can take another,” he says instead.

Adam smirks. “Give me a minute,” he teases. He angles his hand differently and presses in harder. He pulls out a little bit and pushes in again, and the concentration on his face waivers.

Steven knows what he’s searching for, and his eyes flutter shut as he lets the feeling wash over him. He lets out a choked-off moan when Adam’s finger grazes his prostate. Adam does it again and Steven’s mouth drops open in a wanton cry.

“There it is,” Adam says quietly, more to himself than anything. Steven would laugh, but now that he’s found it, Adam is unrelenting in his abuse of the gland. He teases it on every thrust in and leaves Steven feeling bereft on every pull out. “Still want two?”

Steven nods without thinking and holds his breath as Adam’s finger slips out, and the pressure of two returns instead. He focuses on relaxing and letting Adam in and he’s rewarded with the stretch, the faint ache of two fingers. It’s good, though, makes him dizzy and makes him pant for air. Adam doesn’t bother teasing him or dragging it out: he immediately goes to work on Steven’s prostate, two fingers against it to draw as many moans as he can from Steven’s already hoarse throat.

Adam’s other hand finally unclasps from Steven’s hip and his fingertips dance across the tender skin of Steven’s inner thighs before settling on his sac. Steven sighs as Adam’s hand cups him. The touch is warm and all-consuming, and the gentle feeling of his balls in Adam’s grasp is like comfort and subtle pleasure, both of them stacking on top of the other sensations.

Steven opens his eyes after a moment’s struggle, and watches Adam watch him. His hand curled around his prick finally speeds up and he grips a little tighter, just the right way to tip him over the edge sooner rather than later.

Adam’s fingers move faster even though the angle isn’t ideal, and he lets go of Steven’s sac long enough to press against his perineum.

The sensation crests in Steven like the urge to go to the bathroom, but he knows that’s normal. He welcomes the feeling as his eyes flutter shut again; it’s impossible to keep his eyes open under the onslaught of sensation.

“Come for me, Steven,” Adam says quietly, and Steven does.

His back arches again and his hand works rapidly over his cock as he starts to spill onto his stomach. He rolls his hips against Adam’s hand and lets out a pitchy gasp each time Adam’s fingers hit that spot inside him. It’s endless, it seems; he’s never come this hard before, and the blood rushing in his ears drowns out his own cries.

His cock pulses and his entire body throbs from the force of his orgasm, and he clenches around Adam’s fingers to keep him inside a little longer. His hand never slows until he’s verging on oversensitivity, and only then does Steven let his dick fall against his stomach. It drools weakly on his sweat-slick skin and lets out a final spurt as Adam’s fingers withdraw.

Steven grins dazedly up at Adam. “Your turn,” he says around gasping for air.

Adam doesn’t answer. His lube-sticky hand slaps against Steven’s thigh as his dry hand wraps around his own dick. He likes the friction, Steven knows, and if this is anything like the last time Adam watched him, it won’t take long.

The thought thrills Steven and his toes curl.

Adam groans as he finally gets a hand on himself. Steven wants to help but his limbs are heavy and his brain is still foggy. He watches the tip of Adam’s cock appear and vanish in his rapidly moving fist, and his mouth waters. Almost involuntarily, Steven’s mouth drops open and he moans.

“Fuck, _Steven_ ,” Adam hisses, and then he’s coming. His release splatters on Steven’s softening cock and mixes with his own come drying on his stomach. He hunches over and the fingers on Steven’s thigh dig in, fingernails creating sharp pinpricks of pain that Steven welcomes. Adam moans softly as he wrings the last threads of orgasm from his cock, and shudders.

Steven looks at their combined mess resting on him, and gulps.

“Steven.”

He looks up at Adam.

“You good?”

Steven can’t help it. He breaks into a grin. “Yeah. Messy, but good.”

Adam rolls his eyes fondly. “How about another shower?” Adam starts to hold out a hand but quickly realizes neither is clean, one still tacky with lube and the other with come. The brief look of confusion, of bafflement, sends Steven into wheezing laughter. He sits up slowly, body still weighed down from the force of his orgasm, and he reaches for Adam.

“A shower sounds good,” he agrees.

Together they clamber off the bed. Adam’s hands can’t seem to stay off Steven and he leaves trails of lube and come in his wake, softly apologizing all the while. Steven only laughs and kisses him as they stumble out of the bedroom and to the bathroom.

“You set the temp,” Adam says as he steps up to the sink to wash his hands. “I gotta grab your robe, and some towels.”

Steven’s heart does that thing in his chest again at Adam’s words: the heavy pounding, in a way that almost feels like panic but not so constricting. He nods and busies himself with turning on the spray. He feels a little silly showering for a third time, but he can smell the sex and sweat lingering on his skin.

It’s kind of nice, but he’s also not opposed to having an excuse to use Adam’s body wash, either. Adam slips back into the bathroom after a few seconds and hangs Steven’s plush bathrobe on the back of the door again. He throws a couple towels over the towel rack before stepping up beside Steven.

He presses a kiss to the juncture of Steven’s neck and shoulder before speaking. “Good?”

Steven giggles. “Of course.” He turns lightly and flashes a blinding smile at Adam. “You’ve been great,” he breathes.

Adam smiles back at him, then nods past him to the shower. “Ready?”

Steven nods and gets inside first. Adam is quick behind him, and even though it’s impractical—Adam’s shower is bizarrely large given the size of his apartment—they never stray far from each other. Adam plasters himself against Steven’s back and lathers his front with the body wash.

The drag of the cloth over his skin, wielded by Adam, almost has Steven feeling like he could go another round. More than that, though, it’s simply warm and wet and delicate. It reminds him distantly of being a kid, of bath time and splashing around as his parents helped—but better, vastly different. There’s a latent heat in Adam’s hands running over his body, and Steven shivers despite the temperature of the water.

He turns when he’s been washed clean on the front and starts to return the favor. He snatches a second washcloth and lathers it up before dragging it over Adam’s body. Adam stays still for him as he goes, stays quiet except to say, “I still need to get your back,” to which Steven replies, “later.”

He wipes Adam’s body down, front and back, before letting Adam continue. Adam backs him up against the wall and spreads his cheeks reverently as he soaps between them, cleaning up the remnants of lube and sweat. He manhandles Steven back under the spray once he’s satisfied and lets the suds wash off before reaching for the shampoo.

They’re mostly quiet during the whole exchange, but it’s a comfortable silence. It’s full of private smiles and gentle nudges. Their hands never stay off each other for long, even after they’re both clean and simply pruning under the hot water.

“We should probably get out,” Steven admits reluctantly when the heat of the water starts to wane. Adam nods and reaches around Steven to shut it off.

“Stay here, I’ll get your robe.”

Before Steven can protest, Adam is stepping out of the shower onto the bathmat and swinging a towel around his waist. He grabs a second one and runs it haphazardly over his face and hair as he walks to grab the robe off the back of the bathroom door.

He lays the robe over his shoulder before starting to help Steven dry off. He uses the same towel he used for his face and hair since it’s mostly dry; when Steven tries to reach for the towel himself, he gets a blank stare, one that speaks volumes. He stands on the bathmat, obediently still, as Adam towels him dry before tossing it to the hamper.

Then he holds out the robe by the shoulders so Steven can step into it. Once it’s settled around his frame, Adam grabs the rope around the waist and ties it in a loose knot.

“You take really good care of me,” Steven remarks softly as Adam starts to pull him toward the kitchen. He hadn’t noticed, but he is hungry, and thirsty despite the absurd amount of time they just spent in the shower.

Adam turns to face him as they step over the threshold of the kitchen. “You think so?”

“Uh, yeah?” Steven laughs a little nervously. “I know you said not to thank you but, like. I have to. This has been…” He trails off as he looks away. “It’s been really great, and I can’t thank you enough.” He leans down and kisses Adam’s cheek.

“I told you, I like to do it.”

“I know,” Steven say, “but still. It means a lot to me.”

Adam stares at him for a moment. He’s contemplating his words, Steven recognizes the expression, but his gaze on Steven never wavers. “It means a lot to me, too,” he says.

Steven kisses him again.

 

 

“So, what’s going on?”

Steven looks up to find Andrew staring at him intently from across the table. “What?” He says around a mouthful of sushi.

Andrew smirks at him. “You and Adam?”

Steven chokes on the rice and seaweed and crab stuck in his mouth and it takes him a few minutes and a full glass of water to clear his throat. “He told you?” Steven asks incredulously.

“No,” Andrew says with a laugh. “You just did.” He smirks for a moment, then says, “I’m happy for you two.”

Steven’s ears pink. “I mean, it’s not serious.” Even as he says it, he knows that’s not true. “Or I mean, it’s not…” He searches fruitlessly for a word, but Andrew shushes him teasingly.

“I see you two look at each other, you know.” Andrew grins at him, a rare and genuine Ilnyckyj-smile. “You’re good together.”

It’d be too complicated to explain everything, Steven thinks. And it’s not especially something he wants to discuss in detail anyway, not even with Andrew. So Steven just smiles bashfully, ducks his head and picks at a sushi roll with his chopsticks.

“Thanks,” he says.

Andrew shrugs. “Two of my best friends are dating, it’s kind of awesome.”

They chat for a little while longer, but the entire time Steven’s mind is in a flurry.

He and Adam haven’t talked about dating since that first night. That was a few months ago now, and Steven’s never really felt the need to bring it up again. He likes where they’re at: the exclusivity without the pressure is good, easy, fun. But then his mind drifts to the times outside the bedroom, or at least outside _sex_ , and he wonders if it’d really be all that different to shift their label.

They have dinner every time they’re together. Sometimes they’ll spend hours together doing nothing but cuddling on a couch and watching Netflix. Just last weekend, they’d gone out to see a movie and when Steven had grabbed Adam’s after they got their seats, neither of them ended up letting go.

“Steven?”

He blinks and Andrew is staring at him, amused. “Sorry, what?”

“I was saying…”

Steven doesn’t hear it the second time around either. He’s mulling his own ideas over in his head.

He thinks he needs to talk to Adam.

 

 

He doesn’t exactly get around to it as soon as he’d like. It’s not totally his fault, anyway. There’s filming and editing and flying for more filming—and they all know to put Worth It above most else in their life. Then there’s just the fact that kissing is so much _easier_ than talking, even when it’s a conversation Steven really wants to have. He opens his mouth to start, to take that step, and finds himself seeking out Adam’s lips instead of speaking.

Maybe that’s why Steven doesn’t get around to it until Adam is sliding into him for the first time, in Steven’s bed, where everything is quiet and heated and _perfect_.

“You want to _what_?” Adam gasps in an uncharacteristic display of speechlessness. His hands on Steven’s hips flex and his own hips jump and push his cock deeper into Steven. “What?” Adam asks again, even as he groans.

Steven shakes where he sits in Adam’s lap. He’d _insisted_ on doing it this way, him riding Adam; the idea was too hot to pass up, and even though he knows it’s supposed to hurt more—well, he just likes the edge of pain, apparently. He digs his nails into Adam’s chest and starts to roll his hips with all the inexperience he has.

“I want to date you,” Steven manages to get out. “Like, for real. Date-date.”

“Date-date,” Adam echoes with a faint grin. “You thought _now_ was the best time to tell me?” He asks as he starts to thrust in earnest. His rhythm throws off Steven’s, but that’s okay because Adam’s rhythm is better anyway. His hands force Steven down to meet his dick halfway, and the bed rocks beneath them.

“I tried before!” Steven insists as he falls forward slightly, looming over Adam on the bed. It’s a struggle to keep his eyes open, especially as Adam speeds up and the head of his cock skirts Steven’s prostate every other thrust.

He’d technically been planning to bring it up _before_ sex tonight. They’d had dinner, and it was nice and romantic with wine and steak all cooked in-home, courtesy of Adam with Steven’s assistance. They’d eaten on Steven’s couch and it would’ve been so easy to lean over and say _something_. But before he could, Adam had suggested a shower, and Steven just really couldn’t resist.

He’d promised himself in the shower he’d bring it up before they made it to the bed, but then… Well, Adam had gotten on his knees under the shower spray and sucked Steven as he fingered him open, right there in the cramped, barely-big-enough-for-one shower.

From there, it was a quick trek to the bed and there simply wasn’t time for words beyond, “I want you to fuck me,” from Steven, and Adam’s answering, sharp inhale.

And now they’re here. Adam had fingered him open as diligently as ever, and Steven had hit the brink of coming several times before finally crying out and _begging_ Adam to get inside him. It had taken a little awkward maneuvering once Steven had managed to stammer out that he wanted to be on top, but now they’re _here_.

All things considered, Steven’s more concerned about Adam’s reaction to the suggestion they date than he is about the whole losing-his-virginity aspect. In any other moment, it would make him laugh.

Adam’s hips start to slow and his hands on Steven’s waist relax. “Seriously?”

“I mean.” Steven curses his relentless blush. He’s got Adam quite literally balls deep inside him, perched on his lap, and it’s still a struggle to get the words out. He’s still blushing like he’s never even seen a dick before—for a brief, horrifying moment, Steven wonders if he’ll always blush like this.

Adam taps his hip gently to pull him from his thoughts.

“Right, uh. Well, I’ve been meaning to bring it up for a while.” It’s also hard to get the words out when he’s so aware of Adam inside him. He’s thick and heavy and it aches but it’s so good, Steven kind of wants to exist in this feeling forever. He forces himself past the pleasure to keep talking. “And tonight I was gonna bring it up at dinner, but then we just—we just got here, so fast, and it feels so good, Adam, _shit_ —!”

Steven shivers and clenches his hands into fists on Adam’s chest to keep from reaching for his own straining dick.

“God,” Adam breathes, grinning. He looks Adam up and down with that same expression in place. “I love you.”

Steven’s breathing catches in his chest and he hiccups. “Really?”

Adam nods and he’s reaching up to tug Steven’s face closer, for a kiss. “Really,” Adam says. “Have for a while.”

Steven’s head goes staticky at the admission, and it takes him a minute to sift through his thoughts. “Really?” He asks again, even though it’s not really what he meant to do.

Adam laughs and his eyes are bright underneath Steven, his smile unabashed and wide. “Yeah,” he says. “Really.” He kisses Steven again, and takes the disbelief right off his lips, tastes the uncertainty right from Steven’s tongue. “You don’t have to say it back,” Adam says. “I just wanted you to know.”

Steven blinks. “So, that’s a yes to the dating?”

Adam laughs again, and nods. “Yes, it’s a yes.”

“Awesome,” Steven breathes. “Cuz I’m pretty sure I love you too.”

Adam’s answering smile is blinding, unlike any other expression Steven’s ever seen grace the other man’s face. His wonderment at the sight is quickly offset by pleasure as Adam starts to thrust again. Steven moans, startled, but braces himself against Adam’s chest as he’s filled over and over again.

“God, Steven, you look—you _feel_ —!”

Steven nods. “Yeah, you too,” he says, a bit nonsensically. His head is swimming and he’s barely able to string words together. All the same, he tries. “You feel so g-good inside me,” he stammers out, truthful if a little embarrassed. He’s still not used to this side of things, the _dirty talk_ , even though practically any and all words from Adam’s mouth set his blood on fire.

Adam’s hands start to wander, comforting and soothing as they run laps over his skin. “You’re so good for me,” he murmurs. He leans up and skirts a series of kisses and nips along Steven’s collarbone. “You look so perfect riding my cock.”

Steven’s breathing hitches and he grinds down against Adam’s thrusts. “Oh, god,” he whimpers. He can’t keep his eyes open as he rolls his hips to meet Adam thrust for thrust. His thighs are getting tired and he’s starting to see why maybe this wasn’t the best position to start off in.

Adam’s hands slide down his body to his thighs and squeeze. “Wanna roll over?” He asks.

Steven pants for air and tries to think of a response, but Adam’s thrusts never cease. “My legs are tired,” he says.

Adam smiles up at him. “Hold on,” he says, and waits until Steven’s hands are curled around his shoulders tight. He shifts his grip again to Steven’s waist, the rolls them fluidly, with a skill Steven doesn’t think he’ll ever manage, until Steven is sprawled on his back and Adam is slotted between his legs.

Still deep inside him— _deeper_ , if anything.

Steven lets out a whooshing breath as he settles into the new feeling. “Good idea,” he says breathily. He lets go of Adam’s shoulders and winds his arms around the other man’s neck instead. “You gonna move?”

Adam smirks at his cheeky tone but complies. His thrusts are slower than before, measured, and he starts to hit Steven’s prostate with unerring accuracy. He holds Steven still by the waist and pounds into him, leaving Steven nothing to do but surrender to the onslaught. Steven doesn’t even reach down to touch his own straining dick, he’s too swept up in the pleasure.

“Steven,” Adam pants. “Touch yourself.” He reaches up and drags one of Steven’s arms down, unceremoniously plopping it onto his stomach. “I want you to come with my cock inside you.”

Steven whines and obeys. He wraps his fingers around his prick and starts to stroke in time to Adam’s thrusts. “Won’t be a problem,” he assures. His legs fall open wider and let Adam move deeper; Adam moves faster and harder, and the headboard slaps against the thin apartment wall along with their rhythm.

Adam has that look of concentration Steven’s become intimately familiar with, but it’s cracking along the edges. He still looks at Steven like he’s a puzzle he wants to figure out, but there’s a grin curling at his lips and a dizzy look in his eyes, wild and almost feral. Steven lets out a soft gasp when Adam falls forward and braces his elbows on either side of Steven’s head.

The hair on Adam’s stomach rubs against Steven’s knuckles and suddenly, he wants to feel that friction about his cock. He lets go and grasps Adam’s side instead, holds onto him tight for the right.

“Steven—?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Steven hurries to breathe. “It feels good like this, so good.” It does. The friction is perfect, just enough to push him rapidly toward the precipice when coupled with Adam’s cock hitting him just right, filling him perfectly. “I can come like this,” he promises, somewhat desperately.

Adam raises an eyebrow but nods. He leans in and speaks against Steven’s burning cheek. “You’re so good for me,” he says again. Low and sweet, like warm molasses, Steven shivers. He turns his head and tries to kiss Adam but only succeeds in their lips brushing by each other, mouths open and gasping into one another. “Couldn’t ask for more,” Adam murmurs again, this time right against Steven’s ear.

He nips and tugs on Steven’s earlobe, pants harshly into his ear—a series of soft swears and Steven’s name uttered so reverently.

Steven can only blink rapidly; he’s got no hope of keeping his eyes open, as much as he would like to. He tilts his head as Adam sinks closer and starts to torment his neck with the faintest trace of teeth. He’s hot and overwhelmed and he can’t focus on anything that isn’t _Adam_.

He comes when Adam’s teeth finally dig into the meat of his shoulder. It’s hard enough to bruise, followed by delicate suction that’ll leave red splotches in its wake. Steven goes stiff and lets out a cry loud enough to rattle the walls. He can’t help the pitchy gasps or the way he moans Adam’s name as his orgasm washes over him, like a tide pulling him away from shore.

He rakes his nails down Adam’s back as he writhes; he clenches around Adam’s cock as his own spurts between them, staining their skin and matting down the hair on Adam’s stomach. The pleasure runs up his spine and bursts in his chest, leaving his heart hammering and his lungs struggling for air.

As he comes down, he’s vaguely aware of the edge of oversensitivity. Adam is still thrusting into him and it nearly sets Steven’s teeth on edge, the way pleasure becomes almost pain. It’s still good though, still makes his toes curl in the best sort of way.

He brings a hand to tangle in Adam’s hair and pulls him away from mauling his neck. Against his ear, Adam’s beard stinging his cheek, Steven whispers. “Come, Adam. I want you to come inside me,” and his voice doesn’t even shake. Maybe it’s the orgasm that has him lax and brave or maybe it’s the fact he knows this man loves him, wants to care for him, and Steven wants to do the same.

Either way, it works. Adam groans and Steven watches his eyes flutter. His thrusts stutter and falter and he moves clumsily against Steven as he starts to come. Steven revels in the feeling of Adam’s cock pulsing inside him, the spill of come, hot and wetter than the lube. It’s slick and messy and Steven whines at knowing it’s Adam’s come inside him, because it makes what should be sort of gross into something too pleasurable to handle.

“Steven, _god_ ,” Adam mutters as he thrusts a last few times. Each little thrust sends zings of heat through Steven’s body, and eventually he reaches down to take Adam by the hips and stop the movements. “Sorry, sorry.”

Steven’s lips twist happily and shakes his head. He nuzzles affectionately at Adam’s face. “S’fine, just a lot.”

Adam grins against his cheek. “Yeah,” he agrees.

Once they’re breathing has leveled out, Adam slowly starts to pull out. Steven can’t help his wince as he’s left empty, save for leftover lube and come. He lets Adam take a moment to look, doesn’t protest when a thumb brushes over his abused hole tenderly.

“We should shower,” Adam says as he slips off the bed.

“Too tired,” Steven replies as he rolls over, tugging a pillow close to his chest. He eyes Adam as the other man goes about gathering their scattered clothes into a single pile. “Come back to bed.”

“You’re going to wake up sticky.” Adam casts a meaningful glance at Steven’s ass.

“So you’ll wash me clean when we wake up,” he retorts.

Adam’s lips twist into a smile. “Alright. I’m going to at least wipe us down.” He gestures to the white stains in the hair on his stomach with a pointedly raised eyebrow.

Steven nods against the pillow. “I’ll be here.”

He dozes lightly as he listens to the faint noises of Adam wetting a washcloth. When Adam returns, his stomach glistens with water instead of drying come, and he’s got a washcloth in hand. Steven lets Adam push and prod at him as needed until Stevens’ stomach is no longer sticky and his ass is less wet.

Adam leaves long enough to toss the cloth in the hamper, and then he’s sliding back into bed with Steven. Immediately, Steven pillows his head on Adam’s chest and scoots closer.

“Steven.”

Drowsily, he raises his head. “Mm?”

“You mean it?” Adam asks. His voice is so quiet, he goes almost unheard despite the silence of the apartment around them.

“Yeah,” Steven says, not bothering to clarify. He’s meant everything he’s said tonight; hell, he means everything he’s ever said to Adam. “I love you.” He lays his head down again and giggles softly as Adam presses a kiss to the top of his head.

“Love you too,” Adam murmurs against his hair.

 

 

They go into work together the following Monday morning, and someone wolf-whistles as they walk into the office. Steven thinks it might be Shane, or Ryan, but when he looks around, no one seems especially suspicious. Adam lays a hand across his back and steers him through the office gently, until they hit their cluster of laptops where Andrew’s already waiting.

Andrew flashes them a double thumbs-up.

Steven flips him the bird with a vibrant blush, and Andrew only laughs in response.

Adam kisses his cheek before they take their seats, and Steven can’t help his giddy grin.

“God, you two are _disgusting_ ,” Andrew remarks, watching them with a begrudging smile.

“Yep,” Adam answers as he reaches out to link fingers with Steven even though it’s totally impractical. “Get used to it.”

Andrew makes a show of rolling his eyes, but he looks at them fondly. Steven smiles back before Andrew returns to his work. Left to his thoughts, Steven looks at his and Adam’s joined hands; Adam is clicking and tapping rapidly at his laptop with his right hand, and Steven has his left hand available.

It’s totally absurd, and they’d get more work done faster if they’d just let go. But Steven doesn’t want to.

He brings their clasped hands to his mouth and breezes a kiss over Adam’s knuckles. Adam’s ears pink, and he squeezes his hand around Steven’s.

“Disgusting,” Andrew says again without looking up. Adam kicks him lightly under the table.

Steven laughs.

**Author's Note:**

>  _“I know this sounds incredibly lame,_  
>  _but I don't want losing my virginity_  
>  _to feel like I'm losing something._  
>  _I want it to feel like I'm finding something._  
>  _I want sex to be amazing._  
>  _I want it to be life-alteringly wonderful._  
>  _And I want it to happen with someone I love.”_  
>  ―Sonya Sones, One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies


End file.
